Finding a Spiritual Home: What Does Quakerism Look Like for the Next Generation?

Download the transcript and discussion questions.

Discussion Questions

1. The millennial Friends discussed the tension around discerning when to share a message. What takeaways did you have from their comments? How do you know when to speak and when to be silent? 
2. Some members of the Portland Friends Meeting were worried that the younger Friends would split off from the larger meeting. How can meetings develop stronger intergenerational bonds? And how can smaller groups within the meeting explore their distinct identity while strengthening the larger meeting community? 

Maggie Fiori

It was like, in contrast to all of the movement that we had been doing, and then suddenly, we were still and like, there were there was this like vibration between all of us. And people were sharing out of like, a far more vulnerable place than if we had just like, walked down the street and walked in and sat down. That was really incredible.

Various Voices

Thee Quaker Podcast. Story spirit sound.

Georgia

I’m Georgia Sparling

Jon

I’m Jon Watts.

Georgia

And I’ve got a question for you Jon. What are some reasons that people participate in a Quaker meeting?

Jon

Oh that’s a good question! I’m sure it’s different for everybody. I imagine folks are coming for regular community, for spiritual refreshment. I’m sure some folks come out of curiosity and for many other reasons. For me, my Quaker meeting holds this work that we’re doing right now on the podcast under its care, so attending meeting for me is particularly grounding  and nurturing as we continue to grow as an organization and try out new things.

Georgia

Ok those are great answers, but how do you actually develop community and how do you hear from the Spirit? And what if your meeting is good but something is still missing? 

Jon

Questions that I’m sure all Quakers have asked themselves at some point.

Georgia

And they are questions that don’t necessarily have tried and true answers, but for today’s episode we’re going to meet a group of millennial Friends who tried something new, something that actually looks a lot like how the early Christians met, in small gatherings, in people’s homes, and it’s really been working for them and actually for the meeting at large.

Jon

Yeah, tell me more about the group.

Georgia

Yeah so they’re part of the Portland Friends Meeting, in Portland, Maine, but they have established this community where they’ve felt the Spirit move in powerful ways, which has made some waves amongst older Friends. 

Jon

Ooh waves. Alright, I’m interested to hear more. You know, intergenerational dynamics in Quaker Meetings, as in most places, can be complex.

Georgia

Yeah totally. Today we’ll see how those dynamics went down and I’ll take you inside the millennial’s meeting and explore how and why they’ve felt this burst of spiritual growth. I think it’s simple yet profound and also has some applications for meetings beyond Portland.

Jon

Yeah that sounds like a rich exploration. Since Quakers believe in continuing revelation, we’re not always as tied to form as we might be. I mean, we are human, but I like to think of Quakerism as an ongoing experiment — like, how do we organize ourselves around what has life, and the movement of the Spirit, instead of expecting it to work the other way around?

Georgia

Yeah so first we’re going to learn what this meeting is all about and then in the second half of the episode we’ll sit in on their gathering and experience it firsthand.

So. Let’s get started.

Jon

Alright. Let’s go.

[Music]

Maggie Fiori  

My name is Maggie Fiori. I use she/her pronouns, and I’m a member of Portland Friends Meeting.

Georgia

Maggie worked with Quaker youth for many years, she’s an artist and she’s a member of a midweek worship group called the Millennialz — that’s Millennial with a Z and it’s a mashup of the words Millenial and Gen Z.

Maggie

It’s a pretty silly name. I feel like that’s always the thing right off the bat that I’m like, Oh, I feel like I need to explain that it’s a little bit tongue in cheek. But so it is a midweek worship group that is specifically for the millennials’ like age cohort, or generation. Yeah, we started as a potluck group. And then pretty immediately, like after our first potluck, we were like, Oh, we want to worship together. 

Georgia

At the time there were two married couples in the group at the time who shared an apartment, and they invited everyone over for a midweek worship meeting.

Maggie Fiori

And it felt incredible. And so we just kept doing it. And we’ve had worship pretty much almost every Wednesday, whether on Zoom or in person, since 2019 I think. We were, one, hungry for something really transformative on Wednesday nights. And on Sundays. And we, you know, carved out that space to find that, and then we were bringing that same like hunger and freshness, and you know, eagerness for like, real spiritual power and experimentation to Sunday worship, and people were like, Whoa, where is this coming from? 

Georgia

They got mixed responses from members of the Portland Friends Meeting. 

Maggie

I know in any Quaker community, there’s always some tension about like, well, why does there have to be a YAF program, Young Adult Friends program? Like why, why does there have to be a special group for young adults? But then at the same time, it’s like, well, why aren’t there enough young adults? Why aren’t, why, why? And those two things are linked.

Georgia

That’s not to say that everyone in the Portland Friends Meeting objected to the Millennialz but…

Maggie

There was also reactions of like surprise and confusion and down to like outright concern and like disagreement about whether or not this group should exist, which I think a lot of it stemmed more from just not knowing why we were gathering for worship on Wednesday nights and why it was important to us that it be for a specific age group.

Georgia

I myself was a little surprised by this reaction, so I got in touch with another member of the Portland Friends Meeting to better understand it.

Dorothy Grannell

My name is Dorothy Grannell and I’ve been a member at Portland Friends Meeting since 1999.

Georgia

Dorothy is in her 80s and has held a number of roles within the meeting.

Dorothy Grannell

Yes, I’ve been clerk of the meeting, and I’ve served on youth religious education, finance and stewardship, welcoming, nominating, a few others.

Georgia

Dorothy says that there was some tension over the millennial meeting. Some Portland Friends asked, why do the millennial Friends need their own meeting?

Dorothy 

…and why aren’t older people invited? And the answer came back, well, they have some concerns of their own that they would like to discuss among themselves. 

Georgia

There was a fear, says Dorothy, that the millennials might break off from the Portland Friends. The opposite happened.

Dorothy Grannell 

The millennials and young people of that age were coming to Sunday worship regularly and participating very forcefully in business meeting and explaining their views. And we were talking to each other. And it really was a feeling like, oh, these people are taking hold.

I now don’t feel there’s anything to be afraid of having that group involved because it is a first step and reaching out to those people to say, won’t you join us in a committee? We need your viewpoint. We can’t discuss where to go if we don’t know what your needs are. 

Georgia

The older friends have made a concerted effort to get to know the younger Friends, and Dorothy believes that having the millennial group has given newer people a connection to the community that keeps them coming back. 

Dorothy

The whole meeting sees that the meeting is growing and growing with younger people so that those of us who are in our 80s and 70s can step back and let others come forward. But we are talking to each other. It feels good to me.

Maggie

All it really needed for was for us to like, honestly, and lovingly tell our story. And then people were like, Oh, of course.

I think the young adults in Portland Friends Meeting have been able to show up with so much more authenticity and like spiritual courage in Portland Friends Meeting than we would have been if we didn’t worship together regularly and has like connected us to Quakerism in such a deeper way that… I think we have a lot to teach our meeting about worship, and about what’s so fresh and exciting and enlivening about Quakerism. And so my hope is just that like Friends are willing to listen and to be changed by that.

Georgia

So what does this millennial meeting actually look like? How does it work? I asked Maggie.

Maggie Fiori

It’s rooted around silence. But we, as a group, were really clear, right from the beginning, that silence wasn’t the thing. We really leave the door open for if people are led to bring any sort of light structure. So like queries, or like, you know, going around and checking in on our spiritual lives. There’s a real range, like, sometimes we have like, something as structured as like dance worship, where we were doing something really different. But it was still centered around that listening and waiting to be led.

Georgia

Afterward, the group discusses worship during a time they call Afterthoughts. 

Maggie 

So it’s like a common Quaker term in a lot of meetings. And it means a different thing in lots of places. But for us, it meant having an intimate and open ended conversation about what worship was like for you. And then it will sometimes go into like, questions about like, was I supposed to share this message? You know, questions of faithfulness. Like, was I faithful to what I was feeling in worship? Sometimes it’s like, workshopping worship and like workshopping how to center. So people will be like, Man, I was so distracted, or, you know, my back hurt, like what do I do in worship when I feel depressed or anxious and like helping each other with those tools. And we also have tea, the tea is really important. Often it’s Sleepytime Tea. Sometimes we drink other kinds of tea.

Georgia

Crucial.

But let’s circle back to that dance meeting. You know, I had to learn more about that.

Maggie

We had like maybe 30 minutes of dancing in my living room. It was tight. We’re also like masked, it was yeah, we danced to like a lot of different kinds of music. So like, you can stay really still the whole time, if you’re not feeling called to move. Or like you can just wiggle, or you can, like, flail all over the place. 

And I feel like the most incredible thing ended up being that it prepared us for a depth of silent worship that was, like, maybe one of the most gathered worships I’ve ever been a part of, because it made the stillness really mean something. Where it was like, in contrast to all of the movement that we had been doing, and then suddenly, we were still and like, there were there was this like vibration between all of us. And people were sharing out of like, a far more vulnerable place than if we had just like, walked down the street and walked in and sat down. That was really incredible.

Georgia 

So since y’all have been doing this for a while now, like, what are some ways that you feel like you’ve connected better to Spirit, that you’ve grown in your own spiritual life?

Maggie 

Oh, man. Overall, it’s given me a place to workshop what faithfulness looks like in worship specifically, I feel like this group gave me a place to, gave all of us really, a place to strengthen our ability to center. And listen, and then like, test if what we were hearing was from Spirit. Because like, we would mess up all the time, we would like give messages that were like, actually, I don’t really think that was from Spirit. And we could like talk that through. And we weren’t nervous about that happening because there was so much trust built up in a group so small and with so much like commonality of life experience.

Georgia

Maggie was an original member of the Millennialz meeting and although she often is in care of worship for the group, the week that I visited, I met Vicky Anderson, who was taking on that role for the first time. 

I had arrived at the meeting spot — an apartment in a three-floor Victorian a mile or so from downtown Portland. Vicky was very ground to let me in even though they had no idea who I was. And also sat down with me for a short interview. So, Vicky has found a real spiritual home among this group.

Georgia 

First off, I’ll have you say your name and kind of where we are. Yeah.

Vicky Anderson

I’m Vicki, I use they/them pronouns. And we’re in our friend Jenna and Hannah’s space while we prepare for worship.

Georgia 

How long have you been attending this meeting?

Vicky 

Um, probably about a year and a half or so. I’d been looking for a spiritual practice that is inclusive and open. And this space has been very engaging and welcoming for me. 

Georgia 

So as far as this meeting, that you said, first off, this is your first time kind of well, not leading, but what do caretaking so yeah, would you talk a little bit about that?

Vicky 

Yeah. So for me, it means holding the space for the people who are coming and trying to engage spiritually in the idea of being welcoming, giving as much spiritual support as possible. 

Georgia 

Do you remember your first time coming to this particular meeting?

Vicky 

Yeah. So I remember just this feeling of being very welcomed and feeling like a really strong presence of Spirit within the group, and a mutual seeking and a mutual longing that felt very real to me. In this space, I’ve always felt like a very strong presence of Spirit. And I’ve, I’ve had experiences where I’ve felt as though there was another presence in the room, or that the presence of spirit was really palpable, in a way that’s really indescribable. 

And, you know, without getting too like mystical about it. You know, I’ve definitely felt a palpable, palpable presence of the Spirit within this group. Yeah.

Georgia Sparling  10:54

Is that something that you knew you were looking for?

Vicky Anderson  11:01

I didn’t initially know exactly what I was looking for. I was, I was mostly seeking a spiritual community that was going to be open and accepting of me in terms of, you know, my queer identity, and I had sort of gone through some things through some other spiritual practices where I didn’t feel accepted, I didn’t feel welcomed. And this was just so clearly where I belonged. And so once I felt comfortable and more at ease with the people around me, I felt more able to engage in and explore the leadings of the Spirit.

Georgia

That’s great. Thank you. That was great.

We’re going to take a break and then we’re going to actually go to this meeting — at least part of it — and experience it for ourselves. Find somewhere quiet, if you can, listen to this ad, and we’ll be right back.

[music]

Jon

Hi dear listener! It’s Jon here and I wanted to hop on and tell you about something exciting we are starting in 2024. By now you’ve probably gotten used to a short piece in this mid-episode break telling the story of a listener, and asking you to become a monthly supporter of the podcast. I’ve heard from a surprising number of listeners that it’s actually one of their favorite segments on the show, and that’s pretty cool, considering that it’s basically an ad. So, that’s not going away.

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Ok, back to the show.

Georgia

Welcome back. So before we jump in, let’s set the scene. It’s a cool July evening. There’s a slight chill int area, but we are seated inside, of course, in a small, cozy living room illuminated by the day’s fading light.

It’s a Wednesday, and today, the meeting is pretty small. There are four of us seated around a coffee table — myself, Vicky, Maggie, and Nick. Actually, Nick is lying on the floor with a blanket as we begin worship. He’d come in saying he’d had a rough day. He’d gotten angry earlier arguing with someone on the internet and it had left him rattled and disconsolate. 

I introduced myself, a little nervous about whipping out a microphone in this quiet space, bur glad to be sitting down after a busy and stressful day. I was eager to shut my eyes and sit quietly.

So let’s take a few seconds to be still. I’ll play some music, and if you’re able, spend a few moments entering into a more centered space.

[Music]

Now we’re going to sit in on part of the meeting. Early on, Vicky shared a brief poem that they wrote and they kindly allowed me to share that with you today.

[Music]

Vicky 

I am reaching as the tender hand that waits is reaching beyond words, beyond the stars, with cosmic, spacious love. 

Georgia

The group sat mostly in silence for their hour-long meeting and then spent time discussing worship. You’ll hear me passing the microphone around as they share and we’ll begin by hearing Vicky followed by some dialog between them and Maggie.

Vicky

That little snippet that I like, that I gave, what was it, like, what was that for you? If you don’t mind me asking.

Maggie

Yeah, no, yeah. It felt like that, I guess what it felt like was an invocation, which is like, a word I’ve only like, started to really understand but just like , like, it felt like it belonged at the beginning of worship, where where it was, because you were saying, you’re like, putting words to what we’re doing, just like reaching out our hands to God. 

And it was also just beautiful, like, I was like, that’s a poem. And I think that’s also where my brain was, like, that’s why I started thinking about like, Man, I would love to put that into type. 

Georgia

Maggie’s said lately she’s been trying to discern what to do with the urge to turn words like these into visual art.

Maggie

I think it’s just like this gut reaction of like, I want that to be shareable with more than just this room at this one time. And that was the part of like, what was going on in worship for me where I was like, 

Am I just like thinking of like, the next interesting thing that I should do, or is this actually a leading? I don’t know. It’s like, kind of a, it’s kind of like a new sprout, I guess. I don’t know if like me, openly me like verbally discerning about like a small leading I’m having is like, a message but then I was like, but then I remembered about that part of the book. I don’t know.

Vicky

So you said that you were feeling like discerning, like, out loud may not be a message. But like, sometimes I feel like, discerning out loud, like, we can hold that space for you. Or we can hold that space for each other. And like, and it is a space and a place for us to like, be able to work out those things out loud with a community. 

Maggie

Sometimes I feel like I’m like trying too hard to use my discernment muscles. Because I, like, have so many opinions about like, yeah, like, especially on Sundays, like opinions about like, like, oh, that message was just fine. Or like, that message didn’t really have much discernment in it. I feel like the better I get at the practice of like, saying, like, is this a message for worship or is this just my thoughts?  

So when I give a message on Sunday, I am like, shaking, and sweating, and like having a whole time. And that doesn’t really happen in this space. And it’s just interesting than saying that I don’t have any physical cues that tell me, like, if something’s a message or not.

Vicky 

I was thinking, Georgia had asked me earlier, and I was looking for this word. And I was like, you know, we have this, like, we have the space where we’re all together and it’s a community. And I was like, what is the word that like, differentiates this from, like, the greater meeting, and it came to me during worship, I was like, oh, it’s intimacy. We have that intimacy. And so I think that, you know, that we have a sense of each other that feels more comfortable and more safe. Not to say that it’s not safe, like in another setting, but like, because we’re all in this place together in like a more. You know, I’m gonna say intimate again. But you know what? I mean, you picking what I’m putting down? Yeah.

Maggie

Yeah. I think I was thinking about that in worship, too. I was just like, wow, I’ve grown a lot in the last like, four years of worshiping on Wednesdays. Because usually, I just think about how other people have grown a lot. 

Vicky 

I’ve learned I’ve learned a lot in terms of like, what recognizing what feels like more Spirit led than more self led and like I’ve been given that space to do that here and in like, and it’s all received really lovingly and then there’s also like, I’ve felt like at times when I haven’t been quite on the mark there has been pushed back in a way that was really gentle and loving. 

And, and so I’ve been able to, like you said have that like slight more discernment muscle about where something feels like Spirit and something feels more like me and my ego and like, I’m not perfect at that. I still haven’t gotten to that point. We’d have like, you know, perfect spiritual discernment. But um, yeah, like you said, growth, you know, in this has been a place to grow for me. For sure. It’s it’s been it’s been pretty, pretty awesome so far. I don’t know why I said “so far” that was weird.

[Music]

Georgia

One thing I really appreciated about this group and that I think really helps to foster the spiritual atmospheres that they’ve developed was how they made each other feel welcomed and listened to. So we haven’t heard from Nick yet, he’s the one who I mentioned had had a rough day. But here’s Vicky addressing him.

Vicky Anderson  16:11

Do you mind me asking? Like, what was coming up for you?

Nick Zaccaro  16:16

I mean, I was sort of surprised because I felt like I was doing relatively okay. But I’m often weepy. I don’t know. Like I had the thought that, you know, after being… I was I did come in angry because I was arguing online. So it kind of feels like like being a kid and you’re having a tantrum and then Mom hugs you, and then you cry, and it gets released. 

Vicky Anderson  18:16

I feel really glad that like, you feel like this is that space for you. You know what I mean? So yeah.

Georgia

Then it was my turn.

Vicky

Oh yeah, I didn’t ask How were things for you? Anything interesting come up for you?

Georgia 

Honestly, I was just kind of reliving my very stressful day and trying to figure out, like, solve problems in my head. Like, but it was really nice to be with people after just kind of like, doing stuff on my own today. So I find it’s always like, things seem smaller once you’re actually with people versus just sitting and stewing in your head. And, you know, so I was grateful to be here. 

Vicky

I find that worship in this space and in the greater meeting is like a place of like spiritual refreshment and like, just a place to have a quiet quietness that I don’t get in the rest of my week. And so this this is like, this is a place of rest for me. So yeah.

[Music]

I feel really grateful for tonight, but I think I’m gonna have to call it a night so probably should wrap up. 

Maggie

What time is it? Oh, my goodness, look at the hour.

Georgia

Thanks for letting me record it. I appreciate that.

[Music fade]

Georgia

You know, I was thinking about this meeting and how easy it might have been for the Millennialz — realizing how good a thing they had amongst themselves — to decide that their midweek meeting was enough for them. They had worship and spiritual connection, and community, but instead, they brought their spiritual excitement back to their larger meeting. They kept going on Sundays. They started attending discussions about finances, joining committees, getting to know older members in their meeting. They didn’t isolate themselves and the older people in their meeting responded in kind. Both groups opened themselves up to something new and what they found is their community could not be anything other than transformed.

[Music]

Thank you for listening and thank you to Maggie, Vicky, Nick, and Dorothy of Portland Friends Meeting. Find a link to the transcript, reflect on our discussion questions, and more at QuakerPodcast.com.

Today’s episode was reported and produced by me, Georgia Sparling.

Jon Watts wrote and performed the music.

Studio D mixed the episode and Your Moment of Quaker Zen was read by Grace Gonglewski.

Thee Quaker Podcast is a part of Thee Quaker Project, a Quaker media organization whose focus is on lifting up voices of spiritual courage and giving Quakers a platform in 21st century media.

If you want to support our work, please consider becoming a monthly supporter. Every contribution expands our capacity to tell Quaker stories in a fresh way and makes this project more sustainable!

Visit TheeQuaker.org/ for more information.

And now for your moment of Quaker Zen.

Grace Gonglewski

Francis Howgill, 1663: “The Lord of Heaven and earth we found to be near at hand, and, as we waited upon him in pure silence, our minds out of all things, his heavenly presence appeared in our assemblies, when there was no language, tongue, nor speech from any creature. The Kingdom of Heaven did gather us and catch us all, as in a net, and his heavenly power at one time drew many hundreds to land. We came to know a place to stand in and what to wait in; and the Lord appeared daily to us, to our astonishment, amazement and great admiration, insomuch that we often said one unto another with great joy of heart: “What, is the Kingdom of God come to be with men?”

Georgia

If you’d like to sign up for daily or weekly Quaker wisdom to accompany you on your spiritual path, just go to DailyQuaker.com. That’s DailyQuaker.com.

Recorded by Georgia Sparling and Jon Watts. Edited by Georgia.

Original music and sound design by Jon Watts (Listen to more of Jon’s music here.)

Supported by listeners like you (thank you!!)

Referenced in this episode:

• Portland Friends Meeting